There is Time 4 Everythings..

The kindness of strangers

2011-06-20T03:09:00.000-07:00

I have experienced a lot in the Peninsular, a foreign place for me, away from my home in Sabah. Before, while studying in MARA College Banting, there were times where I didn’t have place to sleep. There were also times where there were no people that can help me to take care of me. It was time when I was matured from all the hard times and to be independent.

The first time I came to Banting, I was picked by my cousin (aunt Popoi) at the LCCT. I was taken to her house where she and his husband feed me and sent me to my college in the next morning. I haven’t spent even one cent of my money on my food as they took care of me. They brought me to go shopping and took a day off to send me to college. I’ve never close to this aunt before. I have never also had a close talk with her before, but she had done a lot for me.

I’ve also brought by her to her sister’s home at Melaka. That was my first time to be at Malacca. Once again, I haven’t spent one cent of my money because aunt Popoi always took care of me. I had a great time there and even spent time with them at the famous hot spring in Malacca. It was really great until one time the bond that build was suddenly broke. It was time when my college has holiday for one week. My mother called aunt Popoi’s mother to ask for place in order for me to stay. But something bad happened where aunt Popoi’s mother had responded something that made my mother felt bad. Aunt Popoi’s mother said that I always stayed in her daughter’s house. That response maybe made my mother to think that I was only a burden to them. So, my mother seeks for others alternatives. She called my close cousin (TJ) and asked for place for me to stay. She agreed and that was the first time I came to her house in which she shared with her others friends.

The first meeting was really awkward. It took time for me to adapt and know them better. At first, the house, the church (SIB Seremban) and the people were really foreign to me. I was really hesitant to use all the things in that house. I was also once really afraid to open their refrigerator and eat their food even they had asked me to do it. So, the first time was really awkward but after that, knowing Diana, Shiny, Jac, Yoyo, and Vivien was the best thing in my life. It made me felt less lonely in the Peninsular as I have friend that took care of me. Again, I rarely spent my money on food as they always very generous to pay for all the food expenses. The other best thing was that they also brought me to Genting Highlands. It was really a great experience to me but I did felt really sorry as Diana had to spend a lot of money for the car’s fuel. I also thought that they have given all sort of entertainment that I’ll never get with my own ability. They also brought me to watch movie and strolled around the city of Seremban.

The meeting with them also brought me to meet one amazing person that has talent to speak and teaching the words of God. The person is aunt Shereen. I have also took the chance to share about burden in my life where I feel that God had never answered my pray. She responded very strongly about my sharing. I still remember vividly about what she had shared to me. I even wrote back her response in my diary. She told me to be open and receive what God had planned for me. She told me that not everything will happen according to what we want. Sometimes, God will send another answer for us. God doesn’t give what we want but He gives us the thing that we need. It is better to be in God plan than not. Hence, if the desire still hurting us, we should pray so that God will remove the desire from our heart and be healed in His name. That answer really hit me and made me realized that I was really selfish. I was only thinking about myself before this.

To know them also had given me a valuable lesson from them. I have learnt from each of their personality. The cool yet warm hearted Diana, the hardworking Tj, the responsible Shiny, the ambitious Jac, the relax yet consistent Yoyo as well as soft and gracious Vivien made me to reflect on myself in becoming a better person. I was really grateful for the amazing fellowship that I have in SIB Seremban. It was really valuable for me. The experience had really strengthens me during my time there.

Apart from that, I’ve also became a part of the SIB Kajang. I’ve been introduced to that church by Elinor. I was really thankful to Elinor as she was always there to help me during my time when I still attending to that church every Sunday. Together with me were Preshiela and Sherelly as they also came to Peninsular to further their study. Elinor had always been kind to us in bringing us to SIB Kajang. It was because of her that I was cleansed again by the grace of God. It was because of her that I got the chance to join SPK class (SAYA PENGIKUT KRITUS). For me, that class had really touched my heart. The lessons even it may look simple, it really hit me.

Besides, I also really thankful to her for giving me second home when I needed to serve in SIB Kajang as singer or dancer. Her family was really great. They never felt hesitant to be generous with people that coming to their house. There are other people that always been kind to me during my time there. The people were Brother Napoleon and Sister Sylvia. They were my greatest teacher, my source of pastoral care. They don’t only give me advice and sharing to be strong in my faith but they also sent me to my college after church time. I felt really sorry to be a burden to them. They have spent their money on car’s fuel and time in order to send me to my college. I was really sorry and grateful for that. I will never forget that.

I also want to give thanks to Daisy for giving me a place to stay during my time attending SIB Kajang. She was also another person that had always helped me during my hard time there. I also want to give thanks to other church’s members of SIB Kajang (Most of them I have forget their name, I’m really sorry) that have helped me in transportation matter. Your help me was a truly blessing for me. I pray that God will always pour out His never ending blessing to all of you.

In my semester 3, I have stopped attending SIB Kajang and switched to Grace Family Sanctuary church in Banting. I didn’t stop attending SIB Kajang because of something bad happen. I switch because of the transportation fare that is too expensive for me. I don’t think that I can afford it anymore. Plus, I think the travel time also took a long time and it took my time that I can use to study or do my assignment.

Therefore, Grace Family Sanctuary church was the third church I attended in Peninsular. I was really blessed during my time attending that church. I was blessed by the pastor; Pastor Vic is an amazing pastor in sharing the words of God. I've learnt a lot from the sharing of Pastor Vic. His preach was the one that always gave me support to move on in my journey of life.

There was a moment, where college had their water and electric supply had been cut for one day. Pastor without any hesitant offered us his house for us to stay. Pastor Vic family and Uncle Boon family were really generous. They prepared us a very delicious breakfast, lunch and dinner. I was really grateful for their kindness.

I have also been helped by a kind stranger named Mak Cik Zaiton. This happened when I just finished my interview for University of Otago. So, my next destination after was to Iman house (Actually Iman uncle’s house, but to made it easy I just named it Iman house) but the problem is Iman, Ketty and me have promised to go to Hari Belia Sedunia and I still have my luggage with me. Then, I’ve decided to keep my luggage at KL Sentral first. This means I have to take bus to Putrajaya Sentral, then take ERL to KL Central and from KL Central back to Putrajaya again. It was not easy for me to bring my heavy and big luggage to the bus stop outside my college. I have to walk for about 15 minutes to reach the bus stop. But since I have to bring my luggage, it took about 20 minutes for me to reach the bus stop. I was really tired while walking on my feet. My fingers became red and my hand really hurt because of my heavy luggage. Finally, I’ve made it to the bus stop but I still have to wait for the bus to Putrajaya to arrive. Suddenly, a honk and a greeting were posed to me. It appeared to be a woman and a man around their 60th in the red car. They asked me whether I want to follow them or not. They are willing to send me to Putrajaya Central. At first, I felt hesitant to follow them. But then they said that they were not bad people.

At that time, I also thought that they may not a bad people because looking at their age they may not able to kidnap me. So, I decided to follow them to Putrajaya Central. What made the journey funny for me was that we were lost around the Putrajaya. Thus, we have to go around the Putrajaya before we arrived at Putrajaya Central. They also repeatedly said sorry and promised that they will definitely send me to Putrajaya Central. During the journey they also asked me a lot of questions about myself. They also told me that they also have their daughter that studied in my college before. Their daughter had completed her degree at Royal College Surgeon of Ireland and currently on the way of completing her master. They also asked me whether I have boyfriend or not. I answered I don’t have boyfriend and they suddenly saying that it was a loss for not having one. They said it was normal for someone like me to have boyfriend and they even said love wouldn’t prevent me to achieve success in my study. They also gave me evidence about their statement by telling story of their relatives. Hmmm…If I have boyfriend that I wouldn’t have to walk alone carrying all my luggage that day, but I’m not ready yet. At last, we arrived at Putrajaya Central, Mak Cik Zaiton also had given their phone number to me.

Actually, I was quite touched by their help. Both parties are completely come from different races. Mak Cik Zaiton and her husband are Malay and me is Dusun. But they were willing to help me. I will never judge people by their races after this.

Now, I’m staying in Aunt Rohani’s house in Peninsular as I have some works to do. Aunt Rohani is Eliyana’s aunt. I’ve once came to this house before and stayed for one week with Eliyana and now I come again because of the work opportunity at the hotel near to her house. Well, we don’t have any relationship. We’re not cousin or related. But they are willing to give me a room here for me to stay. I was really touched when Aunt Rohani generously gave me a room and bought me a new fan. She also wills to give me a ride to our workplace every day. I felt really sorry for using the electricity, water supply, gas supply and even eating freely in this house. I felt sorry as I only contribute a little but they have given me a lot.

The kindness that showed by the strangers that I’ve meet had really opened my eyes to be kind to others too. They never felt hesitant to help people that are in trouble. I have learnt a lot and I will never forget all of the kindness. I don’t know how to pay all of the kindness but I will always pray for all of you.

All of these acts of kindness may seem so simple but they are really meaningful to me. It was because of these people that I have place to sleep, food to eat and ride to my destination. Thank you so much again!!

“Lord gives me new ears for today. And give me eyes that don’t look inward at my own concerns but look outward to others – in the same way Your eyes of love looked down on me and saw my need. Amen.”

SELF REFLECTION FOR BORNEO TOWARDS SUCCESS PROGRAMME

2011-06-15T10:44:00.000-07:00

Last year, in the end of May, all the Sabahan students from my college have worked together in organizing motivational programme at two schools in Kota Belud which are SMK Pekan II and SMK Narinang. Personally, this is the best programme I have organized and I extremely proud of my team as we did it successfully!! I also thought that this programme was really meaningful to me and I decided to make a self-reflection about this programme. Yeah...and here my self-reflection about it but it quite lengthy....;)))

SELF REFLECTION FOR BORNEO TOWARDS SUCCESS PROGRAMME
PLANNING PHASE (January-May 2010)

The planning phase for this programme has started since from the month of January 2010. It began with the meeting of Sabahan students that came from different background of school which are MRSM Kota Kinabalu, SMK Pekan, Kota Belud and SMK Narinang, Kota Belud. The first meeting was about the places for this motivational programme to be held. Borneo towards Success was actually a motivational programme that organized by the Sabahan students. This programme has 5 objectives that aim to be achieved:

1.To expose students into various and effective study technique which hopefully will be able to help them in their study as well as sharing the knowledge to other students who have no opportunity to join this programme.
2.To expose students upon future choices available and in pursuing further studies as well as future careers.
3.To encourage the use of English language throughout the programme which was conducted in two languages: English and Malay language.
4.To develop the sense of knowing and understanding personal strength and weakness in one`s own personality in order to optimize personal potential.
5.To impose a sense of responsibility and teamwork in order to achieve a common goal in a team.

The planning phase was the difficult phase that we`ve to encountered. We`re tangled with many meeting, paperwork, planning and contacting the targeted school for our project. Our three targeted school at first were MRSM Kota Kinabalu, SMK Pekan II and SMK Narinang. We`ve encountered many obstacles and failure in our way to get confirmation and permission to do this project. We`ve also miss one targeted secondary school which is MRSM Kota Kinabalu. The date to hold this programme was the biggest hurdle to settle. There was a time where we almost give up in doing this programme as all the three school to do this project reject our proposal because of the complexities of the date, money, accommodation and food for this programme. It is mainly because the date we set must not block any school activities. However, the rejection is not enough to kill our spirit. We continue by sending our proposal to the school admin by making new changes with the dates and tentative activities.

During the planning phase, we did a lot of meeting. The problem that arise from a lot meeting was that it steal our precious times that we can use to do our revision and study. Sometimes, 3 hours also was not enough to finish the discussion. What disappointed me the most was that when there were selfish members. They don`t even dedicated to come to discussion. Sometimes, only four people that come to the meeting. Because of their selfishness, our planning and network of ideas becomes slower. The efficiency of the meeting is reduced. We were lack of great ideas that can contribute to the project because of these kinds of people. However, there were people that gave all out from the beginning. Their commitment can be seen through their persistency to attend every meeting held. Those members were also very active and participative in every meeting. They also even gave brilliant ideas and faithful in term of working task.

Talking about meeting, there must be exchange in term of ideas and opinion s, critics as well as praises. I did not deny that it hurt when my own ideas was not accepted. It hurt my pride as a vice president. I realize that that was actually my own ego. I cannot resist the feeling of being rejected. I became more aggressive by asking a lot of question and debating about other people ideas. I want to win, that`s was what I thought that time. I did realize this bad thinking of mine and I`ve came to think about it. Actually my thought and act hurt other people feeling. I realized others people felt so affected by it judging from their expression. When come to think about it, I realized I was quite a bad person. Here, I`ve learnt that we must be considerate to other people. It is very important to keep the healthy competition among us but on the same time being considerate to each others. There is way to resist an idea which is by debating about it fairly and also listen to other people ideas. There will be always competition but make sure it is a fair and healthy competition. I realized that we must always learn to accept ideas that is better than us even it hurt our pride. Our pride or ego don`t bring any benefits. The most important thing is that the consistency and unity as a team.

Unity in the team actually plays a big role to determine the success. One people working will not able to bring consistency and strength to the group. It will lead to failure. The biggest wall on our way also could fall down if there is strength as a group. It can be demonstrated with simple analogy. Let, every people in the group represent one parts of the body. If only one part of the body functioning, do human still human? Can we function perfectly? The reality is that we are paralyzed by the non-functioning parts of the body. I realized that unity is the important asset in the planning phase. One can`t dominate by taking all the roles. There must be consideration to others people. We cannot dominate and think that we`re the only one worth for that roles. We should let other people develop by giving them that challenge. In addition, working in team is better than working alone.

In this planning phase, I have improved my communication skill in which I`ve learnt how to negotiate with authority people. To be more convincing, compelling and persuasive in the way I speak. I realize this programme is conducted by us which are still doing our IB Diploma (IB Foundation programme). Plus, we were still young. We even know that school authority don`t put high hope on us. They must have bad perception on us because we are still young. That’s the thing that I think they don`t permit this programme to be organized at their school. Here, two-way communication via e-mail and mobile phone is really important. In the conversation, I`ll try again and again to persuade them that our programme is good and we will work hard to pursue the objectives. For instance, the SMK Narinang, my own former school, I have a prejudice thought that this school only uses the financial, accommodation and food problem as excuses. For what I`ve heard from the school’s counselor, the head committee of the school said that our project was neither under Kementerian Pendidikan nor school. But actually, we already written in the letter submitted to them that our project is a charity and we were doing it for free. So, as conclusion, we have to cut our 3 days programme to 1 day only. We were quite disappointed by the school decision. However, we just accept it with open and grateful heart.

I`ve also improved in term of my soft skill, I learnt how to do proposal document, planning and formal letter to authority. Doing budget, collecting receipt and modules for activities in the programme were the addition knowledge that I’ve found useful and practical. These kinds of works have made me more organized, specific and work in more systematic way. All of these characteristic are the vital qualities to be an impressive doctor.

Even, the planning phase was very demanding phase in term of time management, commitment and perseverance, to be down to Earth is a must. To be humble, considerate, and cooperative with high sense of believing and respect to other people are the essential qualities that one must have. The success of the progrramme planned will depend on the one`s effort and determination. If we believe and do our best, nothing is too impossible to achieve. The pathway will be hard to walk through, Sometimes, we may found out that it is so hard to keep on walking, we also may stumble and hurt along the way, but if we keep on walking and confident with ourselves, we will able to achieve the satisfaction of what we called as “SUCCESS”.

SELF REFLECTION FOR BORNEO TOWARDS SUCCESS PROGRAMME
BTS AT SMK PEKAN II (27-29 May 2010 – 3 days 1 night)
Day One – 27 May 2010

On the first day, we came early in the morning to the school. We did our last touch up regarding registration and modules for the activities. Since the planning phase, Arnold and me have been aware and told by the teacher about the hall problem. There was a conflict happens between the netball coach and school`s counselor. The netball`s coach also insisted to use the hall at night. If they use the hall at night, this will affect our night activity. We also need a large and spacious place equipped with PA system so that the activity can be done smoothly. For what I knew, the school counselor which also our advisor in this school told us that she already book and inform principal about this matter. However, the netball coach did not want to give up her stand. Because of this matter, we also have to meet the principal. But at last, we were the one that have to give up the hall usage at night. I was really disappointed about this matter, it really getting on my nerves at that time. It was very unreasonable to give up to the excuse that said they are more important as they were going to compete for state level. By wise thought, they actually can practice in the morning at the netball court. The only sole reason that they have was that they don`t want to practice in hot weather. I really thought that they were very selfish at that time. I don`t know, I cannot stop thinking that they are really selfish and irrational. They should know how to differentiate things that is important and less important. However, things do not always happen like what we expected. This was what I try to accept at that desperate moment. Even the situation was hard to accept, but I try to think in the bright way. Getting the permission to use that hall at night doesn’t mean that our activity cannot be done. Thank God that we also have others alternative that time. At night, we have to use the open hall, library and meeting room.

The conflicts that happen actually force us to think critically and creatively. We were able to use what we have to the fullest. We were able to maximize our capacity and capability. It also reinforces our input to get the best output. We learnt to appreciate what we have and keep on going as conflict that happen do not affect us at all. For example, the usage of PA system, all members work very hard to carry the PA system to the open hall. We were not only working hard, but the unity within us also strengthened by everyone taking part and gave their best in every circumstance. Personality wise, we accept the bad condition and think in positive ways as negative thinking wouldn’t bring us any benefits.

The first activity that we have done at SMK Pekan II was the registration and Ice-breaking. I was the one that in charge for the both of the activities. The registration began late because of the hostel problem that I have to settle. The number of the students also did not settle until the end. The teacher from SMK Tun Said gave their participant’s list at the time that we should begin. But at the end, I was very thankful that many members were very concern about the problems happen. They even volunteered to help in the registration. So, I said that the registration was very successful even we start late. The gratefulness came from the helpful members of this programme that were always ready to help.

After the registration, we have short briefing with all the students; still the registration problem was not settled yet. We were out of receipt to give to the students. However, we managed to settle it by the help of teacher that said they were going to prepared it for us so that we can gave it to students later on. Next, the briefing was done by Arnold and Arsah. In order to make students afraid with them, they have to be totally different from their cheerful and usual personality. They have to be their other side by being strict and stern to the students. They were managed to do it as their way of speaking suddenly changed. This actually was suggested by the school`s counselor. They afraid that the students will not obeyed the rules that have been told to them. Based on my perspective, Arnold and Arsah have done their best. It made me think that sometimes adaption is not easy, but when the situation became difficult and desperate, we have to able to manipulate ourselves to adapt to that kind of situations. It was the same like what Arnold and Arsah have done. They were able to express and manipulate their strength and personality in order to bring greater yield.

Next, it was the Ice- breaking that handle by me. At first, I felt very nervous to speak in front of the students. I felt very cold and the electricity impulse that passing via my nerve on that time. I was very nervous. The only way that help me to push myself to do this was by hypnotized myself, telling myself again and again to treat the students just as close friends. I`ve done this many times in the past, but it was long time ago and it`s not easy to regain that confidence that I used to have before. I even scared to express my opinion and doing presentation in front of my colleagues at college and speaking in front of hundred of student could break this tiny heart of mine. Yet, I build up my confidence and give my best in front of all the students. I was able to do the ice-breaking smoothly because I was confident. I also have created a friendly tone to them during the activity. It just that I come back to the way I used to be long ago, I became myself and even found my own strength just by handling that activity. One of my friend also praises me of how can I speak in front of hundred of student with such high confidence, it was a big relief to hear that, this is Ovida that I know.

After that, we proceeded with night activities that handle by Arnold and Eliyana. In the first activity, all of the students were divided into two groups which were Form 3 and Form 5 groups. Form 5 group handled by Arnold at the meeting room while Form 3 group handled by Eliyana at library. I joined the Form 3 group, the activity for this group was Spider`s Problem. The activity meant to make them to think creatively instead by solely using mathematical solution only. They also have to present their solution in front of others student. There shouldn`t be any students that become free rider in the group. All of the members should work together. But what happen during the presentation was that they were no one that able to answer the question correctly. There also many free riders in the groups. All of their mistakes and problem then explained by Eliyana in the self-reflection session at the end of the activity.

Next, the last activity of that night was LDK 1- Note Extraction. For this activity, all of the students were gathered together at the open hall. Here, what they have to do were to extract the notes that they have given and transfer the important point on the paper for the presentation. I was elected as one of the judges for the presentation. Here, I have to psycho the groups that doing the presentation. One of my killer questions on that night was about the differences of between the risk and consequences.

1st killer question:
“What do meant by risk and consequences? Aren’t it is the same things? Why you separated it into two parts? Risk also the consequences right? You should tell us the differences.”

2nd killer question:
“Are you sure, the facts you written on that paper was in the notes itself? Or are you being exaggerate? We don`t ask you to extend and elaborate the note”.

The self-reflection was done very sharply by Eliyana. Not only the students reflecting on themselves, we as the facilitators reflecting on ourselves too. Before, we went back to get rest at that night, we discuss about our next activity and doing post mortem of what we have done. Overall was pretty good, but I have been criticized on my ice-breaking activity. They said that it was not suitable and did not bring them into more cooperative level. I took that comments with positive and open heart, it just a comment that will make me work efficiently in the future. I was perfectionist, though the comments really hurt me but I knew complaining wouldn`t bring any good consequences. So, I end up being positive to any comments. Here, I learnt to be more open and willing to learn others opinion. It may be hard to accept, but we should humble ourselves in order to improve in the future. We will never jump to a higher level state if we keep ourselves in the same places and without doing anything. It was a great experience that I have on that day. The programme was not at its end yet, hence there still a lot of trouble that mounting in this heart of mine.

BTS AT SMK PEKAN II (27-29 May 2010 – 3 days 1 night)
Day Two – 28 May 2010

Day two began with dawn activity which was the devotion for the non-Muslim students and prays for the Muslim. The reality was all the female facilitator woke up late that morning. We will never wake up if Holinson, the male facilitator didn’t miscall us. What surprise us more was that the students came earlier for devotion activity than the facilitators. We were really ashamed by our act. We were still don`t have enough discipline to conduct the activity on time. As the result, we started out the activity late. We were late for about 15 minutes. Thus, the activity that should be done was affected, we`re not done as what we have planned before, but the activity was still a good one even it`s not perfect. We just need to be grateful I guess, since it the first morning devotion, we still have our next morning devotion to do our best. They began the devotion with song and we ask the student itself to play guitar. It was really harmonious for that morning to sing praise to God with guitar tune. It was the morning that I will never forget in my life. The tune and the singing was just beautiful and it really felt that God pour out his blessing onto us for this programme.

Next activity was breakfast and time for them to get ready. Food bureau, Ketty had done her job perfectly. She was very devoted to her task in order to make sure that the food was prepared according to the time we have prepared. If it was not because of her, we will starve all the day. After that, the next activity was HBDI programme. It was under Ketty Dinsi. Before doing the activity, Ketty always said that she was not able to do that activity because she was not confident, but at the end she did it. She really had pushed her boundaries out from her own comfort zone. Here, I learnt one thing from her; there will always times where we feel we’re not able to do something that we even not done before. However, if we believe and put all our effort to it, we will able to go out from our comfort zone.

Career talk came after the HBDI programme. Here, the talk was presented by Arnold, Holinson and Josephine Chin. The career talk only consisted of three careers which were doctor, engineering and nursing. Maybe the talk was quite boring as all the students looked sleepy. However, they shouldn`t act like that as that talk was for their own good. One more thing that I realized was that during the doctor and engineering session, there were not many questions regarding those careers but when it came to nurse career, many questions was asked to Josephine. One of the reasons may because of doctor and engineering careers which are too high for them to achieve so they turn to nursing career which are easier to achieve.

In the “Save the Egg” activity handled by Arnold, all students according to their group were given an egg and few things such as cellotape, straw and plastic bag. The mission was they have to save the egg! They have to think creatively a way to prevent their egg from breaking into pieces when tested falling from a high place. All of the groups work hard and persistently for that activity including the facilitators’ group itself. What ashamed was that we lost to the students’ groups. So, mission was impossible a.k.a incomplete.

The next activity was fun debate, conducted by Dexter; here once again I was elected as judges during their discussion. Once again become so evil to psycho the presenters from both of the groups. When judges asked them, some of them, answered the question very good and actually quite impressed by their answers. But there were some of them which answered the question bluntly. They don`t use their brain and common sense to answer that question an d that really made me getting on my nerves. I noticed that some of them were very good in speaking in English. They even answered us in English when we ask question in English. Some of them also have convincing and persuasive tone while presenting their points. The question was “Sausage or Nasi Lemak?” Even though, they answered it with very good points, but they analyzed it wrongly. It supposed to be differences between western and local, which one is better? Their misinterpretation was the one that being highlighted in the self reflection session. Our objectives were accomplished in which they were very active and participative. They even asked question to the presenters frequently than the judges, they even express their disappointment when they didn’t get any chance to speak out their opinions. They really show their spirit to compete with each other. I learnt something from their spirit. I`ve lost my competitive spirit since I came to MARA College Banting to further my studies, I have always think that life was so hard until I lost my confidence and become even smaller than other of my colleagues. Here, their spirits actually turn me to reflect on myself. Their spirit inspired me to find my old self that I have lost for a long time.

In the Pulau Sengketa, handle by Jamariah was a great activity in which all the students have fun during the activity. However, I was unable to joins the activity as I have to do the students’ and facilitators’ certificate for the closing ceremony tomorrow. It was really hard and difficult time for me. I have problems with the printers and the students’ name. There were always mistakes and changes with the name lists of the students given by teachers for both school. This result in waste of many certificate paper and I have to repeat again and again to correct all the mistakes. Thank God, that there were two people, Ketty and Holinson that came to help me in organizing all the students’ certificate according to respective groups, their helps made my burden lighter. From their help, I realize that it was really important to appreciate that we have in our life. Sometimes we may never realize their significances in our life, thus we always ignore them and keep on focusing on ourselves only. It is wrong; we should care and depend on each other. The significance of friends in our life is very important. They are the people that willing to lend their shoulder for us to cry, they also the one that always free to lend their ear to hear our problem and even give us their helping hand in order to help us in any of our circumstance in life.

In the evening, there were also students that insisted to go back. We almost gave them the permission to go back but thank God that teacher from SMK Tun Said told us that was only excuse for them to not attending this programme anymore. So, the teacher scolded them for us. Their excuse really make upset. How could they said like that? It is because of our programme are not good enough for them? I really angry that time, I couldn’t hold on the anger anymore. I realized that my anger have affected people around me especially during the fun debate activity. I was really sorry for that, but I couldn’t hold the anger anymore until it burst by asking question in irrational manner during the meeting and the activities itself. I knew it was my mistake when I reflected on myself. I knew it was wrong, but that was the prove of how irrational I was in controlling my own emotion. This was what I should improve in the future, to be more calm even facing with emotion threats and problem. Our mind can only work correctly only when we keep calm and not in rush. However, it was not only me that cannot hold back my anger, it also happens to the president, Arnold. Arnold burst out his anger when he tried to give instruction to all of the students. It was because one of the students did not take what he said seriously and playing with his instruction. Everyone was really surprised because Arnold that we knew was really kind and passive, now he also can turn into beast when he threatened by his own anger. But, I think everyone understand how he felt that time, he worked so hard for this programme but the student just end up playing with him. Though, I understand what he felt, he was not guilty, the student who are the one that should apologize to him.

At night, there was still three more activity before this programme completed; the activities were devotion, heart to heart and fashion show. Even though it was really tiring and all of us were exhausted already, we were energized by the addition of the three facilitators that came quite late, yet they were big helpers in this programme. Once again, I cannot join the devotion activity because I was busy preparing the certificate and my fashion show activity. I got stucked with my slide presentation actually, but I really thankful to Arnold that willing to help me to publish my slide. Because of him, I was able to get done with my work. Now, it was all about the setting of the PA system and slide and then all the preparation for that night will be complete. Thanks for Dexter that sacrifices his energy to set up all of the slide and microphone. Dexter, you are the best technician!

In heart to heart session, it was very wonderful time to share and listen to their problems. What impressed me that they were very open in opening their secret that they may never told anyone before. There were student that also share their bad attitudes like smoking, drink alcohol, couple problem and play truant. That was so brave; I wondered how they throw away their pride and ego in order to share in front of all the students of what bad things that happen in their life. Even, I don`t share anything that night but I have learnt a lot from the facilitators’ comment and from the students sharing as well. There were some of the facilitator especially the three newcomers gave many useful feedback to the students. I think the students really felt refreshed and motivated after the sharing session. Here, I learnt that we should throw the bad things in our life and took the good one as example.

The last activity of that night which was “Fashion Show”; highlight your fashion sense! The members have to walk the runway and show their outfit made from newspaper. It was a lot of fun! The students really have high creativity in inventing new fashion made from newspaper. I was overwhelmed by their creativity and way of walking on the runway. However, the vital point was that the needs for the word “RELAX” in our studies life. Here, I actually opened up my old stories about PMR exam. It was really a special opportunity to share and bless them with what I have faced before. It was true that experience is a great teacher. We learnt, matured and nourished by our own experience. Our old bitter experience was the one that made us the way we are now.

BTS AT SMK PEKAN II (27-29 May 2010 – 3 days 1 night)
Day Three – 29 May 2010

The final day of the programme, one more things left was that the closing ceremony. I was responsible for the gift, certificate, hampers and souvenirs. Here, I need to prepare everything and make sure that there was nothing left. What most disappoint me was that someone had to stand at the middle of the stage to deliver the gift as the one that escorting the principle cannot pass the gift. I was really sorry and apologized for that, but I really don`t know about the etiquette of giving gift in Sabah. I realized my mistake and in the future I should ask first about the etiquette before doing something.

The closing ceremony face its difficulties when we start earlier than what we planned. It was all because of the misconception. At first, the “kompang guys” were only practicing, but the principal took it as the ceremony already started. Thus, as a result we have to start earlier than what we have planned. However, the mistakes didn’t mean that the ceremony cannot be done smoothly. We were able push our limits and boundaries in order to make the ceremony a success one. Everything was done greatly even with minor flaws but still it was a splendid ceremony that done with high cooperation level from all the facilitators, students and teachers.

The motivational programme at SMK Pekan II was a success one. It really relieved when all the things have been done greatly with support directly or indirectly from all people that involved. The joy that I felt on that time was the joy of satisfaction of doing something that was really successful. That was the first time I felt like winning something big. I have never expected of doing really big like this. That was a great achievement in my life. I will never forget and always appreciate the friendship that I’ve made during this programme. It was very wonderful and beautiful feeling to get now people that always offer their helping hand. One last word from me for all of the people that involved in making this programme a big success –“THANK YOU EVERYONE.”

BTS AT SMK NARINANG (3 June 2010- 1 Day)

The next place for our activity was my own former school, SMK Narinang. We did the same modules being done at SMK Narinang like what we`ve done at SMK Pekan II. However, this time I will be alone for the planning phase. It was quite difficult to planning the budget, accommodation and transport for this activity. When one problem settled, another problem arises. The only way to get confirmation and settle all the problem was by contacting people via mobile phone and e-mail. Even so, it was so hard by only communicating via medium. It was that time hat I realize how important face to face interaction in making sure everything was alright. I planned the lowest budget with all the amount that we have after the motivational programme at SMK Pekan II. Here, the budget was higher compared to the budget we have for our previous programme. This was because SMK Narinang does not provide us with food and accommodation. So we have to pay for that by our ownselves. The bad thing was the money was only enough for the whole expenditure but there will be no balances for emergency. Here, the others members and me have use our own money to spend for the students’ tag and barbecue event the night before our programme. The restriction in money usage did not fail us to continue this programme. Even, with financial problem, all the students were able to stays conveniently at the rest house without any doubt. That was actually relieved me because Arnold and me managed to turn the best things out of our problem.

Before the programme on 3 June, everyone gathered at the rest house for our final meeting with the old and new facilitators. The new facilitators were actually my ex-classmate that came from variety institutions willingly offer their help in order to make this programme a big success. Their willingness was the one that I really appreciate. Without them, this activity will never be done smoothly. The facilitators that in charge for the registration also had done their best in preparing all the group’s tag for students. After the meeting, we did our barbecue event until midnight. Here, we tried t get know with each other and became even closer.

There were a few problems that occur during the day we did our motivational programme:

1.Facilitators came late for the programme
2.The programme started late because the students have their short assembly at the hall
3.Some of the students have to come in late because they were involved with the marching activity
4.There were still some of the students who came and register late
5.Teachers informed us that there will be a few of students that cannot attend the motivational programme in the evening

As a result, we have to start the programme quite late from the original plan. The only thing that followed as planned before was that the facilitators in charge with the registration came early and manages to get 3 over 4 of the registration work done. They also did their job in an organized and systematic way. They divide they counter into three table to get the registration work done at a faster rate. They also do the delegation of students into group so that it will be easier for them to give the tags’ group to students. I have learnt something from the way they works. In everything we shouldn`t prepare it at the eleventh hour, it only bring harm rather than good. We also must do planning so that our work will be more organized and systematically. As a result, efficiency and the quality of work will be improved.

The first activity was Ice-breaking; the activity was under Ikhwan. The activity that chosen for this programme was not suitable for me. It should be something that will make them work together. But overall the result was still good. The only essential quality that lacked was the teamwork that should be emphasized during the ice-breaking. This gives deep insights to me that how important for us to analyze the suitability of one activity to gives out better result. A planning should be done with deep focus based on the target we want to achieve.

In the first Intensive Revision Programme (IRP) which was handled by me began with study tips sharing. After me, it followed by the sharing from Arsah and Ihkwan. I have learnt a lot from both of their sharing. Even, I also have my own ways of studying but it also best to know how others people studying. Who knows we can improve better. I don`t think that I have done my best and produces better outcomes for the students in this activity. I do think the activity that I’ve planned lacking in certain areas. The discussion of the students also did not turn like what I`ve expected. It was so hard to be closer with the students in SMK Narinang as they were very passive. They were totally different from the students in the SMK Pekan II. Because of that, it made the speaker felt insecure in expressing their thought. This resulted in the larger gap between the speaker and the students. The only solution was depend on the way of delivering talk by using more animation, videos as well as variety of tone while speaking to the students. Tag question will help the condition even better as they will tend to respond to the questions given. To be more creative in delivering talk or speech in the future was what I learnt from the flaws of my activity.

Next activity that followed was a talk about where do I go after SPM. It was done by seven facilitators that come from different institution to give brief explanation about their college and university. However, because of the time constriction, everyone was not able to explain in details about their college. Here, there was a flaw regarding the time complexities. We have finish in short time to avoid from taking extra time from the HBDI programme. The message was not conveyed clearly because of the time constriction. Thus, the objectives were not fully achieved. Here, it was very important to be on time as time is gold. That`s the lesson I got from the flaw. We always doing things which are not useful that waste our precious time that we can do to give us good rather than harm. If we don`t use our time wisely, we will regret as we cannot turn back time.

In the HBDI programme handled by Ketty and Iman was immaculate. I think that was a time that the ice was really broken. It just that time that they were able to express their thought and questions. They also stand on their opinion in the short debate during the HBDI programme. HBDI programme was a success one in which they were able to know their strength and weakness of their own personality. This is very important in order for them for them to know themselves more. When someone knows their personality, they were able to decide what the best for them. They will also able to maximize their capability and talent in order to achieve success.

The Pulau Sengketa activity was also a success as they have great time while doing the activity. The activity reinforces they memory to remember the map that they seen only a few minutes. During the journey, there were a lot of obstacles to make them forget what they have seen. Here, all the facilitators as well as the students work together to achieve one goal. Their willingness and determination also can be seen throughout the activity. Here, a more light and friendly environment can be felt while their doing the all the challenges. In Pulau Sengketa, I realized that cooperation between team members were very important to make sure that they can draw a complete map. It was the same like the parable of one stick and hundreds of sticks. One stick is so fragile but hundreds of sticks are very strong and cannot be broken easily.

The last activity was the heart to heart talk. At first, it seems that students were not able to understand what was this activity all about. They don`t even have a right question to ask, until they have been explained what type of question they can ask to facilitators. After the 40 minutes session, all of the students gather according to their groups. Here, a more deep talk was done between the students and facilitators. All of the facilitators were able to share their life as a student and answer the students’ question s. Here, they were able to be more personal with the students. What I could detect from our deep conversation was that these students still don’t have clear vision of what they want to do in their life. Because of this reason, they were not able to find their own inspiration and motivation to study. Here, I share them how I get my inspiration and why I were so motivated to be a doctor. While giving my talk, I realize that they may still many young people out there that also have the same reason. They don’t know what they want to do in the future, that’s why there are lot of young people do not take their studies seriously and start losing their confidence. They are doing things blindly with blur vision of their own ambition. They also even cannot resist the world temptation as they did not know their own personality strength and weakness. Hence, they are unable to maximize their effort and determination.

This programme actually was not a good one compared to what we have done at SMK Pekan II. The objectives were not fully achieved as there were unexpected flaws during the programme. Hence, we have done our best and the overall programme was still the best outcome that we have made together through teamwork, hardwork, determination and full commitment. From this programme, I have also reflected on myself back whether I also do the same thing like what I have shared to all the students. I don`t want to be hypocrite but I want to act what I have said. We must be the man of actions; actions should speak louder than words. The programme made me to be more disciplined and independent in my acts as I saw the reflection of me from students` face. That`s why, I will work hard to get what I want in this life.

Get It Right!!

2011-06-15T10:16:00.000-07:00

I found a song that really resemble my college life...People said that life is like a wheel. There is time where you will be in a comfortable and secure position but there will also time for downturn in your life...If only I have a time machine, I want to go back and get it right...But it is too late....Well, I just have to move on and be positive!!

The strong point in this lyrics are...

"What can you do when your good isn't good enough?"
"How many times will it take for me?"
"Can I start again with my faith shaken?"

Those are the questions in the lyrics that also are questions that I always imposed to myself..and somehow it is true that sometimes life is unfair as nothing is perfect...

Get It Right lyrics

What have I done? I wish I could run
Away from this ship goin' under
Just tryin' to help, hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight
Can I start again with my faith shaken?
'Cause I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I'll get through this
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
[- From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/g/glee-cast-lyrics/get-it-right-lyrics.html -]
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
So I throw up my fist
Throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair
Yeah, I'll send down a wish
Yeah, I'll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care!
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

University placement

2011-06-15T09:57:00.000-07:00

Before, I’ve prayed that God would give me a placement to further my study in medicine…

“God, I’m confident that You will place me in New Zealand, You will place me at the place where You have planned I should be, without doubt, I believe in You…”

That was the pray that come from this tiny heart and without doubt I believe in it… That was my pray at the end of December 2010.

But it was not easy as my faith had easily been shattered by all the circumstances and endeavour in this journey of life…As soon as I came back from holiday and started my semester 4, I was shocked to hear that there was change in the policy of University of Otago, they want to increase the intake for their local student and lessen the number of international student into the university. The university representative also should come at the end of October 2010 but they didn’t even come to hold an interview. My counselor also informed me that the university representative didn’t even reply any e-mail from my college. So, I started to worry, my faith was shaken. I didn’t know which university I need to go anymore. At that time, there were few options; I can choose to go to India, Czech Republic and Australia.

For India, it is a very safe option as I will definitely get the placement if I choose that country. But the problem was I cannot use it as my back up plan, once I sign for that country, I have to stick to my decision to study there. India government does not allow students to hold back from their decision to study there. Many people said that going to India is not bad; they said that it is a very good country to practice medicine especially if you want to be a surgeon. My father even said that in India there are many available corpse to practice medicine (but I don’t know whether this information is true or not). Plus, that country is not atheist, so I can actually continue to serve God in that country.

For Czech Republic, it is also a safe option as students only required to take the university entrance exam and if they pass, the place in Czech Republic is confirmed. What students have to do next is to get 35 points in IB exam and then they can fly. However, the country is atheists and I don’t think that I can survive in an environment that does not practice Christian religion. I need to pray and serve God, thus I don’t think I can survive living there for 5 years.

So, I choose to stick to my bound which is the last option, Australia. Australia is also an English speaking country. The requirement is quite mediocre for certain university. However, the IELTS requirements is too high, they want at least band 7 for all components which is seem impossible for me. It means that I have to re-take my IELTS exam but the problem is where can I get the RM 550? I cannot ask from my parents since they have spent a lot of money for me and they have a lot of debt as a result of sending me to MARA College Banting. They also require students to take ISAT exam which is compulsory for all the university that I applied. The bad thing was that I got a very low result for my percentile. I don’t think I can secure my place for most of the university in Australia. Minus all the high requirements university, I only have three secure universities to apply which are University of Newcastle, University of Western Sydney and James Cook University.

I continue to stick with Australia as there was voice inside my heart that asked me to wait. “Just wait patiently.” But deep in my heart I still hope that there will be interview hold for University of Otago, New Zealand. So, I keep on praying and fasting for 45 days. The pray and fast that I did was for IB exam and placement for the university of Otago.

I always believe that there will be miracle happen to me. I never stop believing, praying and fasting everyday for all my desires. Every morning, I woke up; eat breakfast as early as 6.30 am at Dewan Selera while other people still sleeping and the day was still dark. After that, I started my 12 hour fast at 7.00 am until 7.00 pm in the morning. Those were what I did every day except I have some event that required me to eat in certain day. I also asked my friend to support me in pray; the one that I’ve mentioned about this was to Jennifer in our small gathering of Christian Fellowship. But the one that always had to hear my complaints is my roommate, Ketty. I’m so grateful that God had sent me a wonderful roommate like her to share my problems. She always be there for me, she would give me advice and sometimes she would just stay silenced and be a good listener.

My faith was really shaken. There was a time where I doubt whether God has really see my pain in this heart or not. I doubt whether God see all my hardwork. Sometimes, I felt really tired to keep on believing as every time I prayed, God never gave me the things that I wanted, every time it must be a bad outcome. Then, I would start crying. I remember when I was listed in the list of students need to go for the motivational camp (camp Waja if I not mistaken), the students in the list was all the students that get lower IB points for semester 2 exam (it was for those students where IB points less than 27), but I swear that I didn’t got IB point below than 27. Then, someone told me that the list actually had included student with those that got IB point above 30 also. While other people were standing on the board and saying that they are relieved that they are not in the list, I was tearing in front of the board. My heart really cut into the pieces at that time, now the whole college knew that I am lousy and stupid person. Then, I went to toilet and cried there. I kept on blaming on myself and doubting God at that time. I felt like shouting but I can’t. So, I just cried and stayed in the toilet for a long time. Only God know my feeling that time.

There were many times also when I recall back was so hurting and dark for me. Am I really stupid? Why I cannot just get it right? I was so sad because all my hardwork was not paid. I was always questioning why people that are not Christian, have bad attitudes and lazy but they have a very good result? I don’t even dare to see my own result on the College Board as I afraid that I will broke into tears.

When people happily discussing about their placement, I would always try to run away or keep on silent. I don’t want to talk about something which will hurt me even more. Because I am nothing compared to them. I felt so inferior when I with them.

However, when I reflected back of all those dark time, those were the experience that God given to me so that I have to learnt from my mistake and stand up. I remember when Ketty said that…

“There must be always flaws in every effort that you put, learn from all the flaws and never repeat the same mistake” (Rephrase as the original phrase is in Malay)

I still thankful and grateful to God as every circumstance and the unanswered pray have given me courage to move on even it is so difficult. I discover my own potential; I humbly ask for every topic and questions that I don’t understand to my friends and teachers. I learnt for not being easily satisfied in everything that I learnt. I always ask for guidance from my friends and teachers. I also changed and improved the way I study. The result was seen in the semester 3 where there was improvement in my IB points. Thus, it giving me hopes that I can do even better for my IB final exam if I just continue to work hard.

I really hope that I will get better result for my final IB exam. I want to continue to be confidents and sure that God will help me. I have sacrificed a lot for this; I’ve sacrificed my sleep time. I’ve only slept for 4 hours every day, the rest of the day I spent my times to study. I have done my best and I put my life in God’s Hand. I know He has prepared the best for me.

Actually, one week before the exam, I’ve emailed to Selset (New Zealand agent) about the University of Otago and I got a good response from it. They said that the representative from University of Otago will come and hold an interview in my college at the end of May. So this news is the one that lifted up my spirit to study hard for my coming IB exam. However, something happened and broke my heart. The list for students that will attend the interview for university of Otago was out but my name was not in the list. I really felt it was unfair because Australia bound students should be in the list but most of the students in the list was from the post of IUMC. This happened during the exam week as the list of students that will attend the interview for University of Otago was out during that time; I cannot focus on my study the whole day. I was crying the whole day while I was studying. I cannot understand every single thing that I’ve read. I felt really lost and my book was wet because of my tears. I’ve started to give up. It was so hard for me to keep on trusting on God that time, I was very tired already. I felt really tired in expecting, praying and hoping for miracle to happen.

But, at the end, I come to God and in my pray I said to God that my life is in His hand, I keep on repeating that many times in my heart. “My life is in Your hand and do what You have planned in my life.”

A week after that, a call, an e-mail and news from a friend come to me informing that my name also in the list. I was very happy and again it all thanks for my friends (Ketty, Eliyana and Iman) that always there for me and even help me to ask the counselor to allow me to attend that interview.

A week after BTN (BIROTATANEGARA), I stayed in college’s hostel for one night alone. I stayed up very late that night preparing for my interview. On the interview day (28 May), I met Dr Warwick Brunton and he did a short introduction about New Zealand and University of Otago.

In the interview room, I’ve being asked about…

1.Tell me about yourself?
2.Why medicine?
3.What specialization would you take in the future?
4.What actually problem you have faced before this while working in group?
5.In the future, while doing your medicine practices, what would you do if you are required to come into contact with the people of opposite sex for muscle check?
6.As a non-muslim in this college, have you done something illegal? (He ask this question as in the previous question I answered that I’m a Christian)
7.You said that you want to be a pediatrician, what would you do if one day a thirteen year old girl come to you and you found out that she is pregnant?
8.I have difficulties in choosing the one that eligible for 4 places in university of Otago, can you help me to solve this problem? (basically, he is asking why should he choose me)
9.Before going out from the interview room, he asked me where I will work in the future after I obtained my degree.

All in all, the interview was very relaxed as Dr Warwick is very friendly and I feel really comfortable during the interview. Dr Warwick also assigned us with two essays task for 1 week. The titles of the essays were:-

1.What is health?
2.What will be Malaysia’s main health challenges in 2020?

Two days after I submitted the essay on 6 June 2011, I’ve received an email from Dr Warwick Brunton with title “ADMISSION TO UNIVERSITY OF OTAGO”. Guess what? I’ve received a conditional offer letter from the interviewer itself. I was crying in my heart that moment, thanking God for the blessing.

God had answered my pray. Thanks God…

Two years of perseverance at MARA College Banting

2011-06-15T09:16:00.000-07:00

Knowing my true potential, learning the beauty of friendship and accepting the failure in life are the brilliant essences of my two years perseverance in MARA College Banting…

Time went so fast without realizing that I have already survived IB…But the experiences, the sweet and bitter moments in Banting are the things that I will never forget for the whole of my life…I have become mature and strong as I am now…
The moment I came to Banting, the place was so foreign and it gave me a dull first impression because of its view. But I never thought that it was the place that had changed me to a brand new person…

The first semester(Jun-Dec 2009)

The first semester was really a worst semester for me. I have a lot of difficulties to adapt to my new surroundings. I don’t have many friends and I even have difficulties to communicate with others. My result was also so bad; I never expected that I fell to that extent in my studies. I’ve cried a lot in my rooms, in the class and in front of my teachers as well in front of my friends. Before, I always thought that I was not worth for anything in this life.

The positive thing from all the circumstances that I’ve faced was the opportunity that I was able to visit PDK Bukit Changgang. The PDK is the place for the disable and autism kids. It was a brand new experience for me as I never saw those kinds of kids before. I’ve learnt a lot from them. From them, I’ve learnt that a healthy person like me should live life to the fullest.

As usual, people never saw me as someone that can lead as people don’t judge based on my ability to lead but they judge me based on my academic result. This fact was told to me by a friend when I broke into tears in front of her. These words I just cannot erase them from my mind as it really true, people would judge you based on your IQ and not your talent… In this semester, I also realized that I’ve lost all my courage to speak in the public. Before this, I can speak and stand bravely in the public, but at college I turned out as a passive person.

The second semester (Jan-May 2010)

The second semester was still a worst semester for me as everything I asked had never been answered with good outcome. Everything turned out into a worst conclusion. I expected that my result turned out into a better result but it turned out to be the same. But I knew the answer for that, as I don’t have a systematic study strategy. Sometimes, I fell asleep in class and I was not consistent in my study because of all the activities I involved (all in all, it was all my fault)

However, in second semester, I was able to participate in many events that had brought changes in my life. Here the list of it...

-English carnival (I’ve become the music director and choreographer but the music turned out to be worst. Only the dance stands out). But here I learnt something from my best friend (Ketty), she said I was perfectionist and I want everything to turn out in my own way without considering others people efforts and I realized that I’ve done something beyond my boundary. Yes, it was true. The advice really hit me and I felt ashamed of myself to cry over all the flaws in our musical drama.

-Chinese New Year celebration. This was the most hectic activity I’ve participated in second semester. Every night was practice and it made me really exhausted. But I learnt to dance new choreography in this celebration which was the traditional Chinese fan. I`m a dancer and opportunity to participate in this traditional fan had enriched my knowledge in this field. My passionate in dance also grow. The steps that I`ve learnt had gave me a new ideas and dance steps that I can share in my dance group. I`ve also learnt a few dance technique that can maintain “body gracefulness” in dancing. There was a part of step in the fan dance that required a lot of efforts, hardwork and cooperation from all the dancers. The step was the “flower formation”. It was a very hard step to learn and master. However, we all learnt from criticism and it was done flawlessly in the celebration. It is true that through hardwork and perseverance, nothing is impossible.

-Teacher’s day celebration- I’ve became a choreographer for the short musical drama that we performed for teacher’s day celebration

-TOK excursion- Here, I’ve discovered another potential in myself that I’d never knew before. I never knew that I can be so deeply immersed in TOK discussion. I’ve also become one of the presenters in our presentation where I never did before in my own class. From this experience, I gained my self confidence back and from that on I was able to present my opinion in front of my classmates confidently. A week after the TOK excursion, someone in my group told me that I was really good in giving new ideas. Only God knew my feeling that time, it was the first time that I’ve realized I have big potential but it is up to me to exploit that potential.

-BORNEO TOWARDS SUCCESS Motivational programme- The programme that the students from Sabah have organized and it was the most meaningful programme that I’ve organized before. I will post in my blog about my reflection for this activity later.

-JPAM camping activity- It was a very fun camp activity. But if you ask me to rate I would only give 6 out 10 scales as there were many gimmicks that they planned but it all turn out to be worst. The most memorable memory in this camp was when Che Farhan (member in my team) fainted because he twisted his own ankle but at the end it was all planned and fake. But I, without knowing it was planned helped him sincerely and I felt quite disappointed.

The third semester (June-Dec 2010)

This was the most hectic semester among all the four semesters I’ve have in college. Extended essay, TOK essay and TOK presentation, Internal Assessment as well as English oral had become my eerie nightmares during this semester.

The bad things happened in this semester

-When I have to re-do my extended essay after I’ve went through all the endeavour of getting respondents and informations for my first draft. However, when I reflected back, it was actually my own fault. It was my own fault of doing something without telling my advisor first.

-I was very busy dealing with MPAC activities together with all the others IB tasks I have to complete. My friends even complained and advised me to focus in my study first. But you know, it because of MPAC that I was able to be organized and diligent. In MPAC, I was able to be myself, to enroll in something that I like to do and to be friends with those that have same passion as me.

-I did really badly for my IELTS and now I still regretting that moment, if only I can turn back the time.

The good things happened in this semester

-I’ve a lot of improvements in my study where I got above 80 marks for most of my tests. My IB point for third semester result also improved. This happen because, I’ve changed my study strategy, I’ve also became more diligent. I never fell asleep in class and always ask for teacher consultation.

-I’ve become a director for the short sketch with the theme of Malayan Union and we got second place for it. Even though our team failed to get the first place, it was a great achievement for me.

The fourth semester (Jan-May 2011)

It was the last semester in my college. It was the last chance for me to do my best. I was sad because it was not easy for me to regain my strength in order to finish this semester. It required a lot of hardwork. I work very hard every day; there was no single day where I waste my time to watch excessive Korean drama or movie. Mostly, I spent my time to study and doing my assignments.

There were also difficulties in this semester especially the moment I have to re-do my TOK presentation. I have to do the most difficult decision on that time whether to be selfish or not finishing the presentation. I can say that I’ve betrayed my team member, but I have reasonable reason for betraying that person that time. It was also his fault for not giving full cooperation. There was nothing that I can’t do anymore rather than to proceed with the presentation. But, I do felt guilty and sorry for him.

During my revision times, there were times where I felt so stupid. If only, I study hard and consistently for my first semester and second semester, then I wouldn’t face all of these difficulties. This semester was the semester where I did a lot of scarification. I worked in group every evening with my IRP group. I diligently asked question for every topics and question that I don’t know. I know that, I’m a bit slow in catching what people teaching me but when I understand I was able to apply it successfully.

In this semester, I want to thanks my IRP teammates for all those times you’ve lend me a helping hand and shoulder to cry. I would never forget all your kindness. Thank you for everything and thank you for being patient with me!!GIRLS POWER rocks!!

In a nutshell, everything that had happen is a blessing for me. When I reflected all those good and bad times, it was actually lessons that God put in the journey of my life for me to learn from my mistakes and stand up again from every failure. I really hoping for miracle to happen in my IB exam result and I’ll never stop praying for it…I believe God is working and He will never stop working…

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Why Medicine?

2011-06-15T06:35:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I update this blog...I was so damn busy completing my IB diploma course and now I'm free...I survived IB...Yeah...I can't believe this...Before this I only knew how to complaint of how difficult for me to do IB, but finally I was able to go through the 2 years safely...

I feel like writing my answer to question that people always ask to medicine student...Why medicine? Why do you want to be a doctor?
Truthfully, I also don't know how to answer that question...I cannot answer that question even I will take medicine degree next year.Well, I can’t help it because honestly I still thinking whether I have made a correct decision or not. There are many reasons for me to not doing medicine…

- Before this, my father ask me to be an English teacher and I already got offer for it actually. If I choose to be a teacher, now I would be at Batu Lintang, Sarawak. Even, until now, my father always brings up the topics, why don’t you just be a teacher? It’s better than to be a doctor. I know it very much that being a doctor has burdened them so much. What hurt my dad so much was when he had to face a lot of financial problem because of me. I’m kind of sad because I’m a daughter in the family that had spent a lot of their money. It made me think whether I had made a correct decision or not. But what can I do now? Even I want to change course, it’s really impossible right now. Where I want to proceed my study and how I going to pay for MARA’s loan if I decide to let go medicine?

- Plus, I’m not a bright student like my others friend. I’m a super hardworking student. But there are people in this world that only look at the people that have the talent but not the hardwork. But I do realize that I have a big potential, the only problem is I don’t have a very good command in English. If only I am super good in English, then I can express my answer and feeling better. You know, God is fair. He gives you some talents but you have something that you lack. Don’t be greedy but appreciate what you have and improve yourself to be a better person. Thus, with this kind of IQ, taking medicine would be a great challenge in the future. There is high possibility of getting failure.

- Thirdly, I wouldn’t have enough time to enjoy life in the future. No time for drama, no time to sleep, no time for family and no time to search for someone special. Huhhh….I also have to faced with the busy and hard time during internship.

- Fourthly, I will graduate in 2018, means my age is 27 then I’ll be a doctor with a GP level only (what? After all the hardwork? So pathetic right?)…while my friend would have their job and own car at 24. While me..?Still struggling in university in order to graduate and obtain my degree. I am the breadwinner of my family (I mean in the future) and working at my late 20th would give a hard time for my family. Where they can get money to pay all the debt? And to continue for their living? I even don’t know whether I can depend on my brother...I only hoping for everything to turn out better in the future.

- And now I feel quite regret for choosing this ambition. I’ve lost a lot for this ambition. I’ve give up my family’s money and what hurt me the most is that I’ve have to let go the important person in my life. Talking about love, I don’t think I still believe in the true love. There is no true love that forms between two people in this world. I cannot believe when people say that they cannot live without their loved one. They are lying. There are no such things. I cannot help my heart to believe in that thing. When people in desperate situation. They have to just let go what they have in order to achieve what they want in this life. There are situation that you cannot let emotion to control you...Indeed in every situation we have to control ourselves...Love is something crazy, it will destroy people that depend on it so much. It also can be addictive until someone cannot get hold on themselves. It easy, love only games in your mind. For me, the true love is based on God’s destiny. It is when you know that the person you are in love is the person that you are meant to be together for your whole life in happiness and bitterness.

Taking medicine is a greatest test in my life…It is indeed difficult test in my life...Something that bring pain to my heart. Thinking about future made my heart sick. What will happen to my family in the future? How about all my family debt? Sometimes, I also think whether I’ve take the correct road or not? Or should I just turning back and walk the correct road?

Actually, there are still positive reasons why I want to be a doctor... These reasons are the reasons that I’ve said in my previous interview for University of Otago (well, my dream university in New Zealand and I got the offer!!Yuhuu)…

- Satisfaction gained from doing what myself greatly desire. It makes me feel good whenever I’m able to contribute something through my hardwork and efforts.

- Develop a special bond between doctors and patients

- Requires long life learning (I’m always interested to learn something new!)

- There is always value and reflection that I’m sure I can learn from every situation and circumstances that a doctor will face. I will also able to learn something valuable from others people.

- I believe that doing something which is challenging will give me a true taste of life as well as mature me during my journey of life

- I love to work in group and medicine offers an environment where teamwork and communication play an important role

- Medicine is the profession where there is true feeling of being able to make a real difference to my surrounding environment. (The real difference for me is when I am able to bring changes and become initiator of something in the community)

Well, I can summarize that the reason for me to be a doctor is somewhat based on the foundation of gaining something valuable in this journey of life. Life means nothing when you are in the comfort zone. But I want to experience life to the fullest and I want to use my talent that God had given to me for His Glory...

The reason for me to choose medicine is also greatly inspired from the story in the bible (in Matthew 25:14-30). It is about the parable of talents.
Here my favourite scripture from the story.

“His master replied, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!” Matthew 25:21

When we’re given ability and talent from God why don’t we multiply it? God had been faithful to us for all the time but why don’t we be faithful to him with the great potential that had given to us and use it for his Glory? This scripture is the one that strengthens me for those times I faced with a lot of circumstances. Even I failed, I still love God...I love Him very much...Thank God for everything.

Thus, despite all the bad reasons that reasonable for me to withdraw from medicine, I would still choose this difficult path. I don’t know what may happen in the future. I may stumble, I may fall but I know that there is always hand that would never let me go...

“Though he stumbles, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.” Psalm 37:24

I give my family, my burden and my ambition in Your hand...I know...I will be safe in Your right hand...Amen.

About me..

2010-12-21T09:51:00.000-08:00

This is an interesting stuff in internet...it totally amazing...Thumbs up for wordle!

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alt="Wordle: About me"
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Reflection on I am Sam movie...

2010-04-16T23:18:00.000-07:00

Synopsis Of I am Sam..

Sam Dawson (Sean Penn), a mentally challenged man with a mind of a child, is living in Los Angeles and is single-handedly raising his daughter Lucy (Dakota Fanning), whom he fathered from a homeless woman who wanted nothing to do with Lucy and left him the day of her birth. Although Sam provides a loving and caring environment for the 7-year-old Lucy, she soon surpasses her father's mental capacity. Questions arise about Sams ability to care for Lucy and a custody case is brought to court.

Sam is a man with a mental age of 7 who is well adjusted and has a great support system consisting of four similarly developmentally disabled men. His neighbor Annie (Dianne Wiest), a piano-player and agoraphobe, befriends Sam and takes care of Lucy when Sam can't.

Sam works at Starbucks bussing tables. Sam is popular with the customers, whom he addresses by name and favorite coffee. His job gets difficult when Lucy starts grabbing objects, making a woman spill iced coffee down her shirt. In a humorous, but innocent exchange, Sam tries to remove an ice cube from the startled woman's cleavage. Sam then brings Lucy to his neighbor and baby Lucy croons, "Annie!" Sam says, "Her first word was Annie." Flustered but flattered, she retorts, "And people worry you aren't smart," and agrees to function as Lucy's babysitter.

Lucy is as precocious as Sam is backwards. Sam loves reading Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss to her, but when she starts reading "real hard" books like Stellaluna, she balks at reading the word "different" because she doesn't want to be smarter than her dad. She knows he's different, "not like other dads", but that's all right with her because he is loving, taking her to the park and to International House of Pancakes (every Wednesday, because "Wednesday is IHOP night").

When they decide to go to Big Boy for a change, Sam causes a disturbance because he cannot get the kind of French pancakes he is accustomed to. At the school Halloween party, he dresses as Paul McCartney but embarrasses his daughter by drawing undue attention. Other kids tease her, calling her dad a "retard". She tells one boy that she is adopted. This causes a crisis at her birthday party, which results in an unexpected visit from a social worker who takes Lucy away. A judge allows him only two supervised, 2-hour visits per week.

Sam's friends recommend that he hire Rita (Michelle Pfeiffer), a lawyer. He shows up at her office and starts spelling out his situation while she juggles coffee orders to her assistant, Patricia. Socially, Sam is rather high-functioningmore together in many ways than his high-class, respected lawyer whose marriage is falling apart and whose son hates her.

Sam surprises Rita at a party. Stunned, she announces that she's taking his case pro bono, because others see her as cold and heartless.

Rita begrudgingly works with Sam to help him keep his parental rights, but chaos arises when Lucy convinces Sam to help her run away from the foster home she is being kept in during the trial. Over the course of the trial, Sam gets a new job at Pizza Hut and Annie leaves her apartment for the first time in years. Sam also helps Rita with her family problems, and helps her to realize how much her son really means to her. Sam also convinces her to leave her husband, because Rita told him that he cheated on her.

During the trial, however, Sam breaks down, after being convinced that he is not capable of taking care of Lucy.

Meanwhile, Lucy is placed with a foster family who plan to adopt her. Lucy often runs away from her foster parents in the middle of the night to go see Sam, who moved into a larger apartment closer to her.

In the end, the foster family who planned on adopting Lucy lets Sam have custody of her. Sam says that Lucy still needs a mother and asks if the foster mother would like to help raise Lucy. The movie ends with Lucy's soccer game where Sam is the referee. In attendance are Lucy's former foster family, the newly divorced Rita and her son with whom Rita has renewed her relationship, along with Annie and Sam's other friends.

“No, because it makes me happy! It makes me happy hearing you read. Yeah, it makes me happy when you're reading”
Sam, Lucy`s Father
I Am Sam is a brilliant look at a heartbreaking subject that demands the viewer to examine both sides of the controversy. The story is sprinkled with interesting, and unique characters, and a wonderful soundtrack featuring many of today's popular artists giving their rendition of Beatles' tunes. The whole story is threaded with Beatles references that connect the characters to the story and provides a layer of familiarity for the viewer.
Sam Dawson (Sean Penn) works at the local Starbucks, not as a coffee server, nor as a cash register clerk, but as a dining room janitor. You see, Sam is an adult with the mind of a 7-year-old who has just experienced the birth of his daughter as the product of a one-night stand with a homeless woman. The baby's mother exclaims, "I only wanted a place to sleep" as she disappears, leaving Sam to raise the child himself. Does a mentally disabled individual, without the mental capacity to even run a cash register, have the right, much less the capability to raise a child? Should we as a society, allow mentally disabled individuals to raise children? I Am Sam makes a compelling argument that love is the most important ingredient in raising a child, and as we learn from Sam, mentally challenged individuals are definitely capable of giving love.
Is that love can endure all things? Can the emotion of what we called as love can pass all the obstacles? Is it fair for the father and for the daughter? What Sam prioritizes here is that love is the most important ingredients in raising a child. Sam believes and perceives that love is the things that make him also same with others normal people in this world. He may different in term of physical appearance, brain and his capability. He may not be able to do a big thing for her daughter like others person does. In this movie, people do not believe in sam capability to raise his own daughter. I dare to make a statement here which is raising Lucy is the biggest, inspiring and successful things that Sam has done. It`s quite unbelievable of how a father with the mind of a 7 year old child. But believe or not. It is the things that derived from love.
I agree that love is the most important things in raising children but I can deny that it is better that the child has a conducive environment for learning and growth. However, in this case, Lucy grows up same like others children. She`s also a smart girl. However, she often disturbed by her own emotion towards her father win which she don`t want to be smarter than her father. This statements theory hurt Lucy until she confuse and make her run from away from house. However, I still believe that Lucy love her father so much and ready to accept her father the way he are.
In my opinion, it is not brain, money or ability that will determine as a real man but it is the desire that existed from LOVE. Sam is totally human as he can feel and communicate with each other. However, he is only retarded. Though, it doesn`t mean that raising children is impossible. The child still can grow healthily with Sam. Imagine if you don`t have love? Can you still call yourself human? For me, Sam is better than another parents that even don`t have time for their own child. They are very lucky indeed. With love, child can grow up better than never. It is the things that actually can inspire Lucy to keep going on in her life rather than all the others element she need in growing process.
Maybe, other person will think that it is nonsense for someone like Sam taking care of Lucy. But I tell you that Lucy need a father not other things. Her father is more important. Look at Lucy. She's strong. She displays true empathy for people, all kinds of people. I know that you all think she's as smart as she is despite him, but it's because of him.
As a conclusion, we may said that knowledge is power and there is many way of attaining it. One of it is through emotion. Mentally challenged mind like Sam should given custody of his daughter, Lucy. Even reasoning and language fails to work, the emotion of love will cover it all.

What do you think about LOVE?

2010-04-16T23:10:00.000-07:00

Deeper Love Facts
What is love? David Icke said: "Infinite Love is the Only Truth Everything Else is Illusion." However, scientists tried to explain love using our genes as the base of the medical study. Basically, they found that we are attracted to persons that are genetically immune to the diseases and weaknesses that we are weak to. However, Alchemy teaches us completely different approach. Alchemy or old sacred studies believe that our body (Personal Self) is build around four energies (or four egos) that make up our Personal Self (our body). Those four energies are: Physical Energy with its Needs, Sensational with its Desires, Emotional with its Feelings and Intellectual Energy with its Ideas. To reach Higher Self (our soul) these energies must be balanced. Since this is very hard to do, in our distorted world, we usually seek for someone (soul mate) that will help us achieve Higher Existence (same like our genes our soul mate's energies could fill half empty energies and empty our half spilling energies). Alchemy believes that we are not born with the soul, only with the seed of spirituality, and that our purpose in this dimension is to find our souls or to find our Higher Self. You wanted to make gold from the ordinary metal?

David Icke said: "Infinite Love is the Only Truth Everything Else is Illusion."
How We Define True Love?
What is meant by David Icke when he said that infinite love is the only truth and everything else is only illusion? How we define true love? How we define it is not and only our illusion? Love is something complicated, something ambiguous and very subjective. You can define love in many aspects of life. Love to family, love to friends, love to our God and love to our special one. My opinion will based on the love to our special one. Love is blind, love is crazy and love is destroying us. That are the words that express what love is. Often we think that liking someone is loving someone though there is opinion that said like, love, admire, and astonished are very different things.
For my opinion, love is related to the way of knowing which are perception, language, emotion and reasoning. When we have crush, the first impression come from perception. We tend to judge people from its outer appearance whether the people is handsome, pretty, cute, gorgeous and macho. It is true that almost people fall in love from their first sight in which they fall in love with someone from their perception. After that, here come language, emotion and reasoning. People use language to show their feeling and their show it by words and body language. Emotion comes after perception. From the moment we have crush, emotion is lead by the perception in which you will feel joy, happy, sad and jealous. Sometimes you feel a mixture and combination of feeling that you can even label it. You do reasoning while making decision in love relationship. In love, there are many decisions making which you need to use reasoning. However, sometimes reasoning is often defeated by emotion as emotion plays a big role in love.
What actually make us connected with someone? How can we explain the emotion that linked two people together? Scientists tried to explain love using our genes as the base of the medical study. Basically, they found that we are attracted to persons that are genetically immune to the diseases and weaknesses that we are weak. To reach Higher Self (our soul) these energies must be balanced. Since this is very hard to do, in our distorted world, we usually seek for someone (soul mate) that will help us achieve Higher Existence (same like our genes our soul mate's energies could fill half empty energies and empty our half spilling energies). For my opinion, it is true that two people together to balanced each other. It will help to balanced each other and they will feel closer. It is true that it is the same with the facts that we need someone to help us as we`re not perfects. I also believed that people searching their loved ones based on this concepts so that`s how we find a suitable person for us. We usually find someone that fill our emptiness and feel the same emotion like us. It is the same like chemistry; stability in electronic configuration for an element is gained when all the energy level is filled.
Love is drives by emotion. It is the emotion that lead us what to do in love. Stop to have emotion on someone means stop loving the person. When our heart is filled with hatred, the love that ever existed in our heart will disappear. This is true when your other half deceit you by loving someone else than you. Emotion is also the things that make love out of boundaries. You may find out that you will do everything for you loved ones. Even the girl is asked to give up her virginity; she may give it up as she really loves her boyfriend. This is how the reasoning failed to work and there is many girls that being cheated by guys. In love, someone will always drives by their emotion to be with their loved one. Even when getting sms from their loved one, someone will feel very happy. People in love are willing to do everything which is not reasonable. However, love also can drive someone to change from bad person to a good one. Someone will change their appearance and their bad attitudes so that they can meet the requirements of their loved one. This is the power of love towards human. However, the changes that happen on us are very dependable to the independent variable which is the character of the person we loved. If the person is a bad person, someone will change to bad while if the person is a good person, someone will change into a good one.
However, true love is questionable when someone can love more than one person. When one person fall in love with two people, is it still considered as true love? I think it is not true love anymore. A true love is defined when you love only one person and you are willing to do everything for the sake of her happiness. Someone will not care about themselves when they are in love. Someone that really found her true love will only love that person. Someone is ready to protect and do everything for their loved ones. Besides, someone also willing to accept all the weaknesses that their partner have. From someone willingness to do everything for their loved ones, it is also inevitable that there are people that want to have someone very badly. They are willing to do everything to have someone as their loved ones even through a wrong ways. That`s why people often defined love as crazy emotion.
Emotion of love also can create miracle. Believe it or not, love is the best cure for certain cases. Sometimes love is unexplainable. For example, someone that is in the long comma is in conscious state after visited by their loved ones or someone which is very sick at first but then recover after visited by their loved ones. There also certain cases in which organ that belong to another person that placed in others people`s body. That person that undergone organ transplant will fall in love with the same person which is the person that the owner of the organ has loved before. It is because people that undergone transplant will resembles and posses the character of their organ donator. This is why love is unexplainable in which it can change something which is impossible to possible.
This is how true love is. It is drive by the emotion. The truth that was mentioned is actually the true emotion which is controlled. If we really loved someone, we will able to do reasoning correctly. The truth in true love is not all about experiencing the feeling and emotion but it is all about the way you love. Many people love someone in the wrong way. Love is concerning the integrity and sincerity in relationship. We love someone as we want to find our souls in which someone that can fill the emptiness and the imperfectness in ourselves. However, true love is only illusion when we`re loving someone without a true and honest emotion.

We are the reason..Do we realize it?

2009-08-01T09:02:00.000-07:00

This is the song that I listened just now..I like this song..this song touch my very soul...feeling very grateful because ourselves is the reason for Him to gave his life so that we are free from sin..

Lyrics of David Meece - We Are The Reason :

As little children we would dream of Christmas morn

And all the gifts and toys we knew we'd find

But we never realized a baby born one blessed night

Gave us the greatest gift of our lives

And we were the reason that He gave His life

We were the reason that He suffered and died

To a world that was lost He gave all He could give

To show us the reason to live

As the years went by we learned more about gifts

And giving of ourselves and what that means

On a dark and cloudy day a man hung crying

in the rain

Because of love, because of love

And we are the reason that He gave His life

We are the reason that He suffered and died

To a world that was lost He gave all He could give

To show us the reason to live

I finally found the reason for living

It's in giving every part of my heart to Him

In all that I do every word that I say

I'll be giving my all just for Him

For Him

And we are the reason that He gave His life

We are the reason that He suffered and died

To a world that was lost He gave all He could give

To show us the reason to live

He is my reason to live

H1N1????

2009-08-01T08:47:00.000-07:00

COLLEGE CLOSE..
WILL BE OPEN ON 9TH AUGUST..!

ALL ACTIVITY POSTPONED..!

These were the words I read on the college board..Now, my college is affected by the virus too..how come...I don`t expect this kind of things happen to my college..and one of my friend from Sabah is quarantined as she is suspected having the H1N1 virus..

Huu....many things can happen...This virus begin at the mexico and then now at the place I study now..this world is so small...Now, I`m staying at my aunt home at Shah Alam..even though, college is closed for one week..I still happy..hoho..(really bad)..at least, I can get rest from the never ending works that teacher gave..I want to use this one week holiday to study and improve myself...

I don`t want to be affected by this virus..So God...I pray..save me..not only me..but everyone that I know and love in this world..I pray for this o Lord..

Never Give Up..! Never..!

2009-07-18T16:33:00.000-07:00

It`s about one month I`m here..at Mara College Banting...There were many things have happen here..
I`m very thankful to God for his neverending blessing to me,.
I`m still complaining...(physically n mentally hurt by IB)..I don`t know what to do to stop all of this complain.. I know that all of this come from my negative feeling..I`m so negative..even now, I`m still saying that I`m not good enough..huu...I feel very stupid...stupid than other people here...really...
I hate this...though my fear has conquered all my self-confidence..
I have a lot of problem...really...God, I know that You are giving all of this, so that I can be a real human...but this process is real tough...
I afraid that I can`t get the minimum point required by Mara..
I afraid that my English will not improve..
I afraid that my family situation will become worst..
I afraid that I can`t have chance to show my ability..
I afraid that I can`t even study in my room..
I afraid of seeing others people`s ability..
I afraid that being avoid by other people here...
...........................I`m so afraid............................................
that everything will not happen in its way...

Even though.. I`m very grateful..that you give me a lot of opportunities despite all of my fears here..
Thank you...
As I successfully went through the IP interviews..I`m officially an IP here now..
As my act got praised from the senior for the MPAC (Malaysian Performing Act Club) audition...They say that I can really control the situation in the spontaneous act..The result is not out yet..I hope..I can make it..
As I finally can go SIB church today (SIB Kajang)..
As I got a very good math teacher (Mrs. Bad)...She really understand my problem as well as my feeling.. I`m almost broke into tears when she said that I can see her if I have problem..Luckily I can hold my tears in front of my classmates..

Here, other people always said that I`m very lonely person...I`m always sad n tired..Look like someone that has heavy burden in her life..
Yeah..I am....I am.....I can`t hide my feeling..It still show through my face..But what can I do..? This is me...Sometimes..there was a time that is really hard for me to smile...to laugh...even to speak with my friends..I become someone who really passive....

This complain..actually I want to throw all of this out of my mind..out of my heart and soul... I don`t want to give up...never..I`m still keep holding on with my vision...

It Takes Courage

It takes strength to be firm,
It takes courage to be gentle.

It takes strength to conquer,
It takes courage to surrender.

It takes strength to be certain,
It takes courage to have doubt.

It takes strength to fit in,
It takes courage to stand out.

It takes strength to feel a friend's pain,
It takes courage to feel your own pain.

It takes strength to endure abuse,
It takes courage to stop it.

It takes strength to stand alone,
It takes courage to lean on another.

It takes strength to love,
It takes courage to be loved.

It takes strength to survive,
It takes courage to live.

It takes courage to overcome my fear..and God..You are my only courage...

Life at Peninsular...IB student..

2009-07-10T02:53:00.000-07:00

hmm...it`s about three week i`ve been here...but yet..i`m kinda lost....lost....lost.....
My first impression when I come here (MCB)..
Firstly, I`m bit surprised to see people of different races here..wit totally different cultures..
secondly, all people are all fluent in English..n me..??hmmm,,,I`m not even someone who use English as my first language.
Thirdly, the room is quite small..but still ok la..
Fourthly, the food.....haiyaa,,,all spicy..
Even the facilities in the college is quite ok..but I still prefer Kolej Matrikulasi Labuan has better facilities..There is no ATM machine here..n my room at KML is better than here..
Besides, there is no SIB Church nearest to this college..but, still there is church that is for Protestan..Thank God..However,I get problem with the language..I used to pray n sing in Malay..but here, all in English..

All of this obstacle make me cried..I really cried on the first week I`m here...My heart hurt so much..I really feel so small here..so tiny than others students that are all the top scorers in Malaysia for SPM...

However, I still feel very grateful to God for his blessing..here..
1. He gave me a lot of good friends from Sabah and another state..
2. He sent a good senior to me to talk about life here..
3. He gave me a good church with the good congregations that pray in the church..
4. He gave me econ subject as my elective subject...
5. He bless and love me continuosly...
Thanks God....

I`m still surviving here..and I will never give up..I will keep moving on whatever happen.. I may stumble on my ways to the peak.. but I will stand up and bounce back..
because I know..God will never let me alone..I`ll never walk alone..

With the neverending workload here, I will try to endure all of it...I will always remember to give all out n study hard here,...Amen...

Memory to remember...

Goodbye Taginambur..

2009-06-21T14:47:00.000-07:00

Goodbye my village...
Goodbye dad..
Goodbye mom..
Goodbye Abi..
Goodbye Pp..
Goodbye Db..
Goodbye to all my friends...

Today..a few hours more..I will depart from Sabah to Kuala Lumpur.. huh..I feel so sad to leave Sabah, my family and my friends.. Though..I have to go..
Wish me luck..Thank you for everyone support..I can feel that everyone care for me so much..
I hope my dad condition will be ok..I hope you really ok dad..I always pray for your health..You are my source of my inspiration dad..Happy Father`s Day..You are the best and awesome dad..
I love you too mom...sorry for all my mistakes..
Study harder my sis n bro..don`t be lazy.. I will always pray for you too..
Thank you all.. I will study hard there..

Advice for myself..

2009-06-17T19:52:00.000-07:00

It about less than 4 days before I will be one of the KMB students. On 22 June, I will fly from Sabah to Selangor. A place that I have never been before. I even don`t know the place, people and cultures there. All I know is only my own place..hee..of course I know..I have been in my own place for 18 years..Then, I will open the new page of my life. Learning to adapt with my new environment that totally different from Sabah..different from my village Taginambur.
Honestly, I`m still afraid to further my studies there. I have many weakness as an imperfect person. I`m afraid of many things. I`m afraid that I can`t stand the pressure. I know so much that I will cry many times there. I know I`m only a weak person. There will be many person there that good in academics, sports and any co-curriculum activity. There will be many person that can speak English fluently and me? But I still grateful to God for his wonderful presence in my life. This has been my ambition from long ago, I pray and work hard for all of this.I ask God for this and He gave me all that I want..He show the path that I have to walk. Now, I just have to walk and work hard to get what I really want in my life. Maybe, I will stumble many times while walking but I know He will always there for me..

A few advice from me to myself..

1. Be strong don`t easily give up.!
2. Believe in effort and work hard..so don’t be lazy..
3. Be confident vda..!
4. Always be humble..
5. Appreciate time..Time is gold..
6. Deal with your stress wisely..
7. Be careful and don’t be careless..
8. Appreciate yourself more..
9. Read Bible and pray to God all the time
10. Learn to improve your English
11. Just be yourself..don`t look others..
12. Be diligent..that`s the key to success
13. Always ask friends or teachers for the things that you don`t know
14. Be on time..
15. Don`t accumulate your work..
16. Plan your budget..don`t spend money on useless things..
17. Respect others people and people will respect you..
18. Follow your heart…
19. Take care of your health..
20. Drink a lot of water..
21. Be more patient and control your emotion..
22. Always read book that can improve your English
23. Be organized in all things..
24. Be consistent in your study..
25. Take opportunity that you have to improved yourself more..

Be better..better..and better…Go girl..you can do it..absolutely can do it..
coz..no pain,no gain.

Youth Camp 2009

2009-06-17T17:44:00.000-07:00

Last week, I have went camping at my church SIB Taginambur. The camp was about 4 days from 8 June until 11 June. This camp was hold by the committee members of the SIB Taginambur`s youth ministry. I have so much fun being as a facilitator in this camp. This camp theme was "Remaja Bertumbuh dan Berbuah". Ok..let me tell about this camp from the first day until the last day.

First day - 8 June 2009

The camp began with busy registration for the participants.
Next, all the facilitator, committee and participants have to go to the Gopog hall as church was used for women conference at that time. At Gopog hall, the participants was given short briefing and divided into 10 group.Here, all the facilitators also given group for they to manage. I get Rukun group for my group..hoho..quite happy as the name is same with "BOLUKUN"…hahahahahahahahahaha…..
Just kidding…
Then, as a facilitator we`ve given task to look after our group, help them as well as giving them support.For the first task, each group need to make their flag and yell..hmm..for flag,my opinion for them was just ok..
But for their yell was superb..
"5,6,7,8 who are we..?
Rukun in the house..
Who are we..?
Rukun the best..
One team..one in God!
One team..one in God!
Buli ba kalau kau…!"
Two thumbs up for them that created such creative yell..
The camp then proceed with talk from Dkn. Andrew. On that night, the camp proceed with praise and worship before we hear preach from Dkn. Andrew again.
I was very motivated by his preach that night. The preach was based in the Matthew 21: 28-32. It is the story about two different characters of two sons towards their father. The moral from his preach was that we must always make the heart`s of the heavenly Father happy. As Christian, we must have strong faith towards our heavenly Father.
The camp then proceed with introducing session. All the facilitators and the committees of the camp was introduced to all of the participants. The activity for that day was finished with all the participants have went to sleep except for the facilitators and the committees as we still have meeting for that night.

Second day-9 June 2009

That day begin with exercise and "kawad kaki"…huh..it was so tiring..with all that running activity up and down the long stairs to church..though, I feel so fun enough to do that activity with all my friends.
Then, after the exercise, we were having our breakfast followed by the devotion activity. We were gathered in our own group in this activity, listened to the pastor preach and praying together. Next, activity followed was LDK..the activity that we`ve done was quiz that is competition with others group. Our group scored the second lowest mark, but no matter, at least we have fun in this quiz. Next is talks from Dr Nelson..but I`m not gonna listen to that..hahaha…naughty enough, I were doing my report for that day while the participants were listening to the talk..
The activity for the evening was orienteering..but badly, facilitators were not allowed to followed that activity. We were only required to guard the participants at each station of that activity. Each group was having trouble to find the next clues, the committees were smart enough to hide that clues at place where the participants cannot find them. Hmm..credits to them..
That night activity was one of the activity that been waited by all the participants. It was "kembara malam" activity.. The activity have some of the committees that will be the fake ghost to scare the participants. There were also bomb that placed on the way in the jungle. We also have to enter the jungle as well as passing the cemetery. Imagine, with all the man ghost-made..hahaha.. It really scared the participants, from far we`ve heard the bomb sound and a lot of shouts. There was also one girl in my group that fainted after she saw the man ghost-made…huu.. It look like that the committees mission was completed..

Third day-10 June 2009

The third day also began with the same activity as in the second day that is the exercise and the devotion activity. Next, the camp proceed with talk from Pnt. Simbih..really boring for me and I could saw some of the participants slept..huh.. It can be helped as all people were still tired from the activity done last night.
After the talk, we were doing the LDK activity. The title of this activity is "where is the love?". This activity is actually same with the "sayang si buta"games. The only difference is that at the end of this activity , one or more of the person in each group will be separated from their own group. Hence, the separated person must find his/her own group. So, what is the way so that they can find their own group? It depends on themselves and it also determines whether the group love and care each other or not. That`s why this activity named "where is the love".
In this activity I lead my group at first before I let them go. Then,after I let them go. There were a person who cried because she can`t find the group.. Haa..This actually the love shown by them, they don`t want even to be separated from their own group. They must think that it will be much better if they were in their own group than separated away.
After this activity finished, all of us went inside the church and we watched video about the sacrifice of our Jesus at the cross for our sin. I cried when I watch that video. I really cried very hard, I feel so thankful and grateful to Jesus that love me and this world so much. After the video finished, we were all praying and worshipping God. God`s work for that time was so awesome..Praise HIM…!!
At the evening, we were doing the "rentas halangan" activity..In this activity each group need to go through all the eight station and as facilitator, of course I followed my group and also given chance to do all the activity at all the eight station.

1. Rangkak komando
2. Flying fox
3. Cincin raja
4. Tarzan swing
5. Terowong gelap
6. Ascending
7. Dinding terapung
8. Titian berayun
9. River…..went to take bath…..hahahahahahaha

At the end of the activity, my body and cloth all full of mud..I`m so smelly at that time but no matter as well as I enjoyed in this activity. I mostly like the flying fox activity so much…feel like want to do it again..hehe…last destination was the river, feel good after all because after tiredly finished all the activity, I was able to swim in the river..
That night, the activity was only the practice of each group for their performance on the last night. My group also will be doing short drama on the last night. We only discussed about our roles for that night as the time given was not enough for us to do practice.

Fourth day-11 June 2009

The day also begin with the same activity on the morning.
Next, after the devotion. We were doing the "sukaneka". It was competition between all the groups. There were about 4 games that we`ve played and our group has been doing very good in that four games. Anyway that my group..Rukun the best..!
At the evening, we were doing LDK activity again. This time we were going to make clothes for couple by using newspaper. We were all doing our best in this activity to create the best looking clothes for our models. Then, all the models were required to show their clothes in front of all people.
That night, each group need to perform their short drama in front of all people. Every group has done their best as well as our group too. We have perform our best that night, even my voice that night was like rock singer and was not too OK to sing as a result of shouting too much but I just sing. I don`t care anymore as well what I done was for God.
Thank God that we won the best performance of that night. Even though we don`t practice at all but many people said that our performance was super good. Thank God for this. It also because my group has give their best in this short drama so that this drama can blessed others people. Bravo..everyone!! Praise the Lord!!

That something within..

2009-06-07T09:20:00.000-07:00

Poem that truly describe myself..
It all within this poem...

That Something Within..

There is something within me
That is strong enough
To keep me from toppling
Over the edge of
Sanity,
Over the ledge of
frustration
Or over the hedge of
All-out foolishness.
It leads me to prayer
When I would otherwise
Break.
There is something in my make-up
Or my bringing up
Or just the way I look up
That straightens my back
And bows my head.
It becomes the focus of my meditation.
The sentiment in my supplication,
The reason for my transformation.
That thing inside me
Has me choosing light
Though darkness covers all.
It wells up like ocean waves
Come to drown those who
Think they deserve to push me back
Hold me down or
Steal my joy.
I have a spiritual strength that
Grows deeper and speaks louder as I get to know
More about who I am.

"Where did IT come from?" Someone recently asked.
I answered, "In my developing stage, someone said out loud,
'You sure are good at anything else that you never thought before,'"
My puny soul embraced that seed,
and it planted itself deep inside me and took root.
I tested that tiny bit of ego-strength against
The negative family messages that focused on
What I was NOT good at, making me feel small
And disconnected.
I was NOT good at being like my mother
Who was all but saintly.
I was NOT good at being
Like other girl who was beautiful and dainty.
I was NOT ballerina thin, nor prissy neat,
But I WAS good for being myself
And when I looked a little further, I discovered that
I was GOOD ENOUGH.
Good enough to bear fruit
And reap a harvest.
Good enough to plant a seed
In others and watch them grow
Magnificent and free.
I was GOOD ENOUGH to relate to
The GOD inside of me.

And if I did not make mistakes
And give too brief a thought to heavy questions
And too much time to little matter;
Or if I always knew which road to travel
Where every step would lead me into daylight
And if each face that turned to watch me pass
Was broken by a smile;
Or if whenever I should choose to lay my heart
Bare upon the sun-warmed grass,
It always was returned with tender touches
And carried by a song;
And if my heaviest burden were only to be
A breeze upon my back, and blossom in my hair,
And my brow was never crossed with lines of pain;
If all this endless summer were my lot
And winter's fury never beat me back,
Then I never would have seen the stormy nights
Through which I've struggled, fought and won;
I never would have known the joy of needed comfort given,
Or the essence of a friend.

So, this poem is truly from my heart..
Because God has called us Blessed
And HIS is the only voice that matters.
So, here and now, I pray..
Dear Lord,
Help me to release
the self-doubt
That lives in my heart.

Remind me daily
That I am the product of
Your hands...
And all that
you make... ALL THAT YOU MAKE
Is Perfect. Amen

Another poem (my Fav)

Dandelion Flower..

I Will Stand Tall
Amanda Kiser

As I stand alone
walls on all sides
On the hardness and trials
I will stand tall
as tall as I might,
for all of my
humble little life.
Til the world tramples me,
and I am no more,
I will stand tall
as tall as I might.
Always reaching for the sun.
Even though all around
is brokenness and pain
I'll lend my brief beauty
and stand tall
as tall as I might.

The author (Amanda Kiser) wrote this poem about a lone dandelion surviving on the bank of the St. Lawrence River, and later realized it was more about her.
This poem inspired me so much..as we should always stand tall with all our might in our life,even the situation is tough.Don`t give up..Keep standing tall..!

Missing My Friends..

2009-06-05T22:14:00.000-07:00

Just now, I sent sms to my friend..They said that they were on the way to church(SIB Bandar)...They also staying there for one night..I guess they all want to involved in Praise n Worship on sunday. Sis Chen also contacted me just now and ask if I`m going to church today or not..oppsss..hehe..I forgot to tell Sis Chen that I already out from KML..Sorry Sis Chen..Then, I told Sis Chen and ask her to help me in pray..

She said to me..
"You`ll be fine there..I will pray for you.."
These words consoled me soo...much..Tq Sis Chen..

I miss my friends soo much..I`m praying that they are doing fine there..Love the moment when I`m still with them..I miss to dance with Abel and Sandra..Also singing with joen, jean, lola, nonong, bacop n dnot..miss u friends..

HEAVY BURDEN..

2009-06-05T21:23:00.000-07:00

When I arrived on Friday night at my house after a long journey from Labuan, I felt so relieved as I`ve finally arrived at my house..I can smell my house "nice smell" that time..hmmmm…..but most important is that I able to see my mom and siblings..except my dad as he was at KL at that time..
I was totally happy until my mother told me that my dad`s liver need to replace because it already can`t function at its best..when I heard that…I burst to tears..I don`t show it to my mom..I was crying behind her..mom only told us to study until we success as advice..mom also told us that we don`t have money to do the operation and liver`s donator..
At that moment, the one who can donate is my brother..but he also unwillingly to donate.. I want to blame him for his selfishness..but If I blame her that will make my dad feel depressed..
I start to think that I was the one who selfish..If can I want to donate my liver, but I can`t perform any surgery if I want to enter MCB. I`m also the one who use a lot of money in this family..after this, I need money again to enter MCB. Maybe.. I should let this chance go..If I still go to MCB..Then what gonna happen to my dad? But If I don`t go..they will blame me of course..
I`m stuck on this..At that moment..I realized that my parents loved my siblings and me so much..
My heart hurt so much…I think I just burden to them..
My parents willing to give us everythings we want..Even, I`m not asked for anythings..they gave me laptop..they supply us with Internet connection in our home. They always give us the best that they can..Huu..even my dad always scold me, saying me stupid for the careless things I do.I still love him..I also love my mom so much, She always fulfilled my wish. Money is the biggest problem in our family, but they still gave us the things that we want ..Thank God for sending me such really good parents..
I`m still remembered the time that my parents held birthday party for me..my father said in front of others people that he was happy that I get good result for my SPM result..that is the time that I think my dad was really happy.. Thanks dad..thanks so much..
I want to fulfilled their wish too..I will be a doctor..Just wait and see..mom, dad..I will let you to see me in the white doctor coat one day…I will study hard for you..I will not waste the chance I get at MCB..

You are my only hope now God...

GOODBYE KML..

2009-06-05T02:16:00.000-07:00

Hmm..on my last day at KML.. I feel so hard to leave that place..even only for 3 weeks, I have gained many experienced, bad times, good times as well as good friends. I also have learn new languages.. I have learnt Chinese, Bidayuh and Sungei languages..It really fun to befriend with others people that have different languages and cultures. I also managed to improved my English through my English teacher..Ms Adeline..hehe..because my English is really bad..hahahahaha… I can`t even pronounce the word "fashion" correctly…It turned to be sound like "patient"..haha…the whole class laugh on me.. I was really embarrassed that moment..but no matter..It`s part of learning..isn`t it?

Ms Adeline told me that the problem is totally caused by my mother tongue..and she also said that she will try her best to help me..That sentence make me feel so relieved and thankful cause someone is willing to help me..

Same goes to Biology tutorial…huh..this totally make me think that I so stupid to make that kind of mistakes…I got the lowest mark because of my careless. I`m not doing the correct format to answer essay question by using table. My lecturer (Madam Shima) scolded me that I`m not hearing what she have explained in her lectures..huh..but I just can`t help it..I was busy copying the notes and I can`t heard what she explained..huh…all I need to do is to work hard..of course I think that I`m really stupid to do that mistakes..even so, I tell myself to learn from my mistake so that I can improve more..

In chemistry tutorial, the advice that come from Ms Tay make me to agree with her..
I have already finished the tutorial for my chemistry chapter 1. I felt really boring in the class until she say to us ,"if you have finished your work and you know how to do it..just be quiet and listen, learn to be humble..you will still learn something.."

Another advice that come from her,
" Hayat student is weak in calculation than fizikal student..even so, hayat student is dilligent. Thus, they can overcome their weak point through hardwork. You also must work hard,DON`T BE LAZY.."
This advice inspire me so much..this make me more confident to study..I also can be in the same level with the one who get all A1 in their SPM if I willing to work hard.,Yes! I can do it.!

I also like my math lecturer..Ms Syarmalah..She is a great lecturer..she enable to perform really fast calculation…but she really make sure that everyone understand her calculation..loved her.. Also loved her because she always help me with my problem and question..

I`m surely I will be missing my friend at KML when I`m no longer with them..

My best tutorial friend..
1. Audrey
2.Emilia
3.Peggy
4.Max
5.Ivy
6.Alvin….
7.others..forget their name but remember their face..hoho

My bestfriend all the time at KML (schoolmate since from SMK Narinang)
1.Joen
2.Abel
3.Dnot
4.Chriscella
5.Sandra
6.Lola
7.Jean
8.Edna
9.Awilla
10.Kosulin
11.Bonne
12.Evord
13.Marcellius

SIB Bandar Labuan (Praise n Worship team)..will miss..
1.Bro Hendrick
2.Bro Danny
3.Sis Chen
4.Pst Saniel
5.Meo
6.Nanus
7.Kent
8.Chrisben
9.Timothy
10.Thenny

My roomate..
1.Rozie
2.Ain
3.Alice

Huh…Goodbye KML..I will always keep the memory inside my heart..

With Chriscella

With Abel

Together with my schoolmate (all ex-SMK Narinang)

My best girlfriends

with Dnot

on the way to Sabah (in speedboat)

sleeping on the "Dataran Kawad"

Books...Books...

Together with new friend

Makan time...food...mmm...delicious...!

MARA BANTING COLLEGE..can I stand the pressure?

2009-06-05T01:25:00.000-07:00

Hmm… from the last month on the third week of May, my mom have called MARA..and MARA said that I have successfully get the scholarship, therefore on this 23 June I will studying at MARA BANTING college..
I was very grateful and thankful to God for being so nice to me..Thanks so much God for giving this chance to me. I have praying so hard and always burst to tears when I pray to God about this..
My prayer for this wish,

God I was really grateful because you still let me to live until now,
I was really thankful for your blessing to my life, family and friends,
Thank you because you always there for me for bad and good times,
God I need you..There`s something that I really want in my life to achieve my ambition,
I have always wanted to be a Doctor..This ambition always make the part of my effort to study,
Sometimes this ambition hurt me so much, because I keep thinking that I`m not good enough to be a Doctor.. I`m not genius..but I believe in effort and diligent attitude..
You have give me a good result for SPM and I can apply scholarship to study in medical course,
MARA have give me the chance..and I really wanted to be chosen by MARA and pursue my study at overseas..
God give me this opportunity..I want to help my family..I want to glorified your name..
I want another people to see you through me.. I`m aiming that one day, I want to be a missionary doctor..and this all for you o Lord..Halleluyah.. I`m just want to serve you forevermore..thanks God..Amen..

Then, God fulfilled my pray..I`m really thankful for this.. I was in the cloud nine when my mom call me when I still at Kolej Matrikulasi Labuan..I was really happy at that moment and told my friend- Joen about this.. She told me that she also happy for me and I really blessed by God..

However, this things also make me think deep..
Can I stand the pressure..?
My friend allyn told me that this course (INTERNATIONAL BACCALAUREATE) is harder than foundation and A-level..I was shocked that moment..I felt that time also stopped that moment..my heart beat faster..and even faster..huh..can I stand that..? Can I really endure that?
I`m not that kind of genius people like Albert Einstein.. I`m only a normal and ordinary person that get my SPM result through hard work and pray..I`m not doing that for one trial..I have fell for many times and I rise up because I know I must not give up and keep on trying..and now..for IB course?? Hmm…this situation make me want to choose between two option..KML or MCB?

KML is the more easier and faster option..I only need to get four flat for first and second sem. It also need only one years to complete..and then I can further my studies in medical at local university..
However..for MCB.. I need to complete that torturing course for 2 years and then proceed for 6 years at overseas university..that only going to happen if I get good result..if not..then I only can say "Bye..Bye.." for the chance to study medicine at overseas…

Huh…finally, after deep thinking, I choose MCB..my mom also told me to go back home..then I packed my things, next went to HEP to fill up the "BORANG BERHENTI PENGAJIAN MATRIKULASI".

I feel that I complaining for many things when I know that I get this MARA offer.. I`m sorry God..
I`m only not sure if I can survive at MCB..but I still thankful to YOU for this opportunity..Thank you so much..

KAULAH HARAPAN by Sari Simorangkir

Bukan kerna kekuatanku
Ku dapat jalani hidupku
Tanpa Engkau yang di sampingku
Ku tak mampu sendiri...
Engkaulah kuatku
Yang menopangku..

c/o Ku pandang wajahMu dan berseru
Pertolongan ku dapat dariMu
Peganglah tanganku..jangan lepaskan..
Kaulah harapan dalam hidupku..

Yes o Lord..Hold my hands..don`t release it..as You`re my everything..

An Inspirational story..

2009-06-03T02:43:00.000-07:00

Three tree story,,..

Once there were three trees on a hill in a woods. They were
discussing they're hopes and dreams when the first tree said
"Someday I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be filled with
gold, silver and precious gems. I could be decorated with intricate
carving and everyone would see the beauty."

Then the second tree said "Someday I will be a mighty ship. I will
take kings and queens across the waters and sail to the corners of
the world. Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my
hull."

Finally the third tree said. "I want to grow to be the tallest and
straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the
hill and look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God
and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree
of all time and people will always remember me.."

After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a
group of woodsmen came upon the trees. When one came to the first
tree he said,"This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be
able to sell the wood to a carpenter." and he began cutting it down.
The tree was happy, because he knew that the carpenter would make
him into a treasure chest.

At the second tree a woodsman said, "This looks like a strong tree,
I should be able to sell it to the shipyard." The second tree was
happy because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship.
When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the tree was frightened
because he knew that if they cut him down his dreams would not come
true. One of the woodsman said, "I don't need anything special from
my tree so I'll take this one" and he cut it down.
When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he was made into a
feed box for animals. He was then placed in a barn and filled with
hay.

This was not at all what he had prayed for. The second tree was cut
and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being a mighty
ship and carrying kings had come to an end.
The third tree was cut into large pieces and left alone in the dark.
The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams.

Then one day, a man and women came to the barn. She gave birth and
they placed the baby in the hay in the feed box that was made from
the first tree. The man wished that he could have made a crib for
the baby, but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the
importance of this event and knew that it had held the greatest
treasure of all time.

Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the
second tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep. While they
were out on the water, a great storm arose and the tree didn't think
it was strong enough to keep the men safe. The men woke the
sleeping man, andhe stood and said "peace" and the storm stopped.

At this time, the tree knew that it had carried the king of kings in its
boat.
Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It was carried
through the streets as the people mocked the man who was carrying
it. When they came to a stop, the man was nailed to the tree and
raised in the air to die at the top of a hill.

When Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong
enough to stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as was
possible, because Jesus had been crucified on it. The moral of this
story is that when things don't seem to be going your way, always
know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him,
He will give you great gifts. Each of the trees got what they
wanted, just not in the way they had imagined.

This story make me wonder..

that....
When I asked God for strength, He gave me difficult situation to face,

When I asked God for Brain and brawn, He gave me puzzles in life to solve,

When I asked God for Happiness, He showed me some unhappy people,

When I asked God for Wealth, He showed me how to work hard,

When I asked God for Favours, He showed me opportunities to work hard,

When I asked God for Peace, He showed me how to help others,

GOD gave me nothing I wanted, HE gave me everything I need..

God have already arranged the best things for me..Haleluya..Amen..